By Simon Abah
Ese Oruru’s alleged abduction saga no doubt is a shame not only to the nation but to parenthood, community and humanity.
To have a Dahiru Bala, 55, the father of the alleged abductor insult the sensibility of Nigerians by claiming that both Ese Oruru and his son Yunusa were in love is outlandish. Such ribald nonsense shouldn’t be entertained. Equally star-crossed is to hear about the complicity of the Shariah and Emirate Council, it beggars belief. It is a crying-shame that a community of people in Tofa village, including the village head could tolerate this fraud for months without having Yunusa pilloried. To have Nigerian police act only because the press exposed the matter to international outcry, is devious.
It is also not excusable for Ese’s parents especially the mother to not know about the antics of both lads especially as the abductor’s father claimed that he disapproved of the son’s plans to come home with a girl. “But he insisted that Aisha had become a Muslim, fell in love with him and wanted to marry him. I still warned him against coming with her,” he said. Ese it would appear became Aisha before her supposed abduction.
How come the mother didn’t notice Ese’s behaviour especially since the girl wasn’t cashiered in a box car and had seemingly converted before her trip if that claim is to be taken seriously?
I often wonder about the role of culture in Nigerian society today. In neighbourhoods where there are traditional rulers, you still find ladies breeding for different men while living in their girlhood homes, yet they are not scoffed at. Curmudgeons today are at every corner and bend inflicting pain on hapless people. Cultural overlords are quickly becoming a symbol.
Why would anyone in Tofa see the wrong in Ese’s abduction? She is a Christian anyways. Certainly, they would have protested loudly if a Christian had abducted a Muslim girl from Tofa to the South or any part in Nigeria and converted to Christianity with the blessing of a traditional and religious leader in the absence of her parents. What’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander especially in Nigeria.
Once I had an innocuous relationship with Bintu (a Muslim) from Kano and her family disavowed the relationship because I was a Christian. Bintu who was reasonably in love with my person for humanity sake, still found a way to see me, no strings. One such visit I have yet to forget. Her family trailed her to my apartment, almost pulled my door down and warned her not to see me again. It wasn’t surprising that she ended up attending undergraduate school in the north away from Port Harcourt.
Grooming of children which used to be in the hands of all in this country, is no more and the reason we aren’t grooming responsible citizens for the future. It’s now a case of buck-passing, from Ese’s parents to the Police, Shariah Community, the revered Emir etc.
I recall a story told by a close friend at Ibadan University many years ago. On a visit to her father while on vacation, she thoughtlessly caused her father’s official home telephone bill (NITEL land-line) to soar by ringing all her friends.
This was before the monetization policy of the federal government and before the foray of cellular telephony in Nigeria. When my friend’s father returned home from work and noticed the hiked-up bill, he asked who had been using the home phone. When she replied “me”, he said “Can’t you see that you are increasing the bill?” Without thinking, she blandly asked “Isn’t the government paying for it?”
Most parents might have treated that question off-handedly but her father replied, “Isn’t the government, your
government? Why do you want to run it down? If you have this type of attitude, how can you help this country?” He immediately secured the phone to prohibit out-going calls and my friend learnt a lot from that experience.
Can all concerned in this abduction saga measure up to the paternal bearing of my friend’s father? If they did, we wouldn’t have found ourselves in this vociferous claque.
I have had cause on occasions to be invited by parents to come straighten a wayward child. At other times, phone numbers of some lads were sent by parents so I could call them and know what their daily fare was like in undergraduate schools. Like a watch dog.
Many have told me “Sir, my parents made me study a course I was never interested in. Reason I couldn’t concentrate. The passion for the course wasn’t there.”
I have seen so many youngsters today stampeded into universities by parents at ages when these young lads lacked the confidence to be in an adult environment, to make decent friends, to be grateful to the kind of parents they have and be grateful for what they provided them. They couldn’t manage time in school and suffered from a persecution complex which contributed to the flunking of exams.. Some parents, it would appear, are in love with ego gravitation: they send their wards at an early age to school so they can say, “my child graduated magna cum laude and holds a Phd at 21 years old.”
The culture of sending children for internship/work for a year or two so that goodly character can be formed is no more. Now, when they start their studies in ivory towers, they are not able to resist the temptation to engage in trivialities.
Years back, folks had the privilege of working after secondary school before proceeding to higher school certificate (H.S.C.) studies and were mentally alert. The importance of delaying university education for more experience and exposure cannot be overstated.
What shapes human behaviour if there are no values, no positive attitudes and no ideas in a being and locale? Who stands for the youngsters of today? Where do they look for statesmanship? They appear to be lost. And it is reflecting critically in their affairs today. They are easily swayed by assurances that deliver nothing.
When it comes to the choosing of careers and settling down there seems to be an imaginary wall between parents and their lads. How can a Yunusa overrule his father, village head and Emirate Council in the abduction and marriage of Ese?
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